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THE ROAD AHEAD I DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS
Disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders are a category of diagnoses that involve problems with controlling emotions and behaviors. Kids with these types of problems behave in ways that break rules or hurt others. Explore the questions below to learn how to recognize the signs, understand what causes it, and discover effective treatment options.
What caregivers might notice in their child
Kids and teenagers with disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders usually have a hard time managing their emotions and the way they act. There are a few different diagnoses in this category and there are some important differences between them.
Your child may have oppositional defiant disorder if they:
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Are angry and irritable
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Argue with adults
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Refuse to follow rules
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Try to annoy other people
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Blame other people for their problems
Watch this video to learn more.
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Your child may have oppositional defiant disorder if they:
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Have aggressive outbursts
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Seem like they can’t control or predict their anger or aggression
Watch this video to learn more.
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Your child may have oppositional defiant disorder if they:
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Don’t respect the basic rights of other people
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Refuse to follow rules
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Are intentionally aggressive towards people or animals
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Break the law
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A note on conduct disorder: this diagnosis is more rare in young children, and the behaviors of people with conduct disorder are usually more severe and cause more problems than the other diagnoses listed here.
Watch this video to learn more.
Diagnoses like pyromania (setting fires) and kleptomania (stealing things) are less common but are also part of this category.
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These diagnoses can cause problems for kids at home, in school, and in their social lives. If left untreated, kids with these behaviors are at a higher risk for other problems like substance use, dropping out of school, physical injuries, and legal problems. As a parent, it’s important to think about whether your child’s inability to control their emotions and behaviors is unusual for their age, and if this causes them serious problems in their life. It’s normal for a lot of kids to annoy their siblings, get mad, and not want to follow rules all the time. But if your child is getting into trouble at school, can’t seem to calm themselves down, or you think their behaviors are not safe for themselves or others, these could be signs of something more serious.
What causes disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders?
Disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders are not caused by just one thing – there are a few factors that can make it more likely that a child will develop this kind of disorder.
Kids with a parent, grandparent, or sibling who struggles with disruptive behaviors or aggression might be more likely to experience these things too. This isn’t always the case though! We also know that kids have different personality types and respond differently to things. Some scientists say that kids who are naturally more fearless and who have a hard time connecting with others can be more likely to develop one of these disorders.
There are some things that can happen to kids that make it more likely they’ll have disruptive, impulse control, or conduct disorders. Kids who see other people being violent or aggressive when they are young, especially in their families, are more likely to develop these disorders. Parenting can also play a role – while this is not the only factor that causes aggression and behavioral issues, kids whose parents discipline them very harshly and who don’t connect with them emotionally may also be more likely to develop these types of disorders. One of the best things you can do for your child is to build a strong relationship with them and set consistent and fair rules and expectations for them at home!
Who is affected by disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders?
Disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders can affect kids and adults. These disorders often start in childhood or in the teenage years, but sometimes can start later in adults too. About 3% of kids in the United States have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). 2.7% of kids in the US have Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), and another 4% have Conduct Disorder (CD). In the past, more boys have been diagnosed with these things than girls, but that is changing a little as scientists do more research and more people are getting mental health care.
Treatments that work for disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders
There are a lot of things that you can do to help your child with disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders – and you’re already taking a big step by learning more! Many kids & parents see a lot of improvement with the right support. Here are some treatments that scientists have found to help with behavioral and impulse control difficulties:
Parenting a child with disruptive or aggressive behaviors can be really challenging! It is common for parents to need some extra support figuring out the right ways to talk to their child and set rules at home to help them succeed. This can help with your child’s behaviors and also your mental health as a parent.
This type of therapy usually works well for kids who are 2 to 17 years old and have ODD or CD (it may be helpful for IED too but that hasn’t been studied as much).
It’s important for caregivers to be involved in therapy as much as possible, but it’s also important for kids to learn the skills they need to help manage their own emotions and behaviors. Some skills that are really important for kids with these kinds of disorders to learn are:
Assertive communication: how to ask for what you need clearly & without being aggressive
Emotion regulation: how to understand and deal with your emotions, and what to do when you feel a really strong emotion you can’t control
Social skills: how to interact better with friends and peers and learning to understand how your actions impact other people.
Some examples of skills training therapies and programs are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the Coping Power Program, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
Multisystemic Therapy (MST) is a type of therapy that looks at a teenager, their family, their school, and their community to help see what problems they are having, what is going well for them, and what needs to change to help them get better. MST is best for kids ages 12 to 17 years old.
MST can include some parent training skills and the child learning some skills too. It is a great type of therapy because it looks at the child’s whole environment and provides a lot of support for kids to get better!
Watch this video to learn more.
Usually medication isn’t prescribed to deal with aggressive or disruptive behaviors. However, it’s pretty common for kids with these diagnoses to have other symptoms too, like ADHD or depression. A provider can help you figure out if your child might have another diagnosis and if medications might help them.
ADVOCATING FOR HELP I DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS
Getting support for behavioral challenges starts with knowing what to ask for. Use the questions below to find out how to get help, talk with providers, and access the tools your child may need.
How to get help
There are a few ways to get diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or Conduct Disorder. Here is how you can get started:
They can do a basic screening, tell you whether your child’s behaviors are typical for their age, and refer you to someone else if needed.
Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists can help assess your child. They might do an interview with you to learn more about what’s going on, and sometimes they might have you fill out some questionnaires that ask specific things about your child’s feelings and actions. Psychiatrists can prescribe medication if your child has another diagnosis in addition to disruptive & aggressive behaviors.
Click here to find a provider.
Teachers and school staff may struggle to know how to handle your child’s behaviors in the classroom and to understand why they act the way they do. Teachers can also provide good information about how your child behaves at school, and this can help them get the correct diagnosis. Sometimes kids with these types of disorders benefit from accommodations at school (these are usually called IEP’s or 504 plans).
Click here to learn more on how to talk to your child’s school.
Watch this video to learn more.
If my child has disruptive behaviors or impulse control challenges, what treatment components should I ask my provider about?
You & your child will learn tools that work well for kids with ADHD (because usual parenting methods often don’t!)
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Setting routines and specific rules at home
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Understanding what motivates your child and how to work with them towards goals
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Paying attention to good behavior and improving your relationship with your child
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Keeping you and your child safe when they are aggressive or impulsive
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Your child is part of a community and this community usually has both good and bad things about it. Think about your child’s friends, school, teachers, sports teams, clubs, neighborhood, extended family, etc. Who is encouraging and helping them? Where do they get into trouble?
Systems therapy (such as Multisystemic Therapy or MST) looks at your child’s whole system, or community, to try and make positive changes. Sometimes it can be hard for a therapist to see a child for just one hour a week, because a lot can happen outside of that therapy session that we can’t control! Systems therapy uses skills and community resources that your child already has to help them make progress, even when they’re not in a therapy session.
Kids with disruptive and aggressive behaviors often struggle with social skills, understanding social cues, communicating well with others, and caring well for others. Learning these skills is an important part of therapy and this can happen in individual therapy or in a skills group.
Kids with disruptive and aggressive behaviors sometimes don’t know better ways to solve problems and struggle to plan and think ahead. Learning new skills for solving problems and dealing with challenges is also an important part of therapy for them.
PROGRESS OVER TIME I DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS
This section offers a few extra tools to help you along the way. Whether things are going smoothly or getting more challenging, these resources can support you as your child grows and their needs change.
My child has a diagnosis, now what?
Once your child has been diagnosed and is getting treatment, there are still more ways you can support them—and yourself. Here are some next steps to consider:
Know that you don’t have to figure this out alone. Parenting a child with ODD, IED, or Conduct Disorder can be a huge challenge and can leave you feeling frustrated, ashamed, and burned out. Joining a parent support group (such as Parent to Parent at Children’s Village, or a Parenting Skills Class through Catholic Charities) can help you learn new strategies and get encouragement and support from other parents who are on a similar journey.
There are some excellent, practical reads written for parents like you.
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Try “The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder” by Dr. Douglas A. Riley
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“The Uncontrollable Child: Understand and Manage Your Child’s Disruptive Moods with Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills” by Matis Miller, LCSW
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“The Explosive Child” by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.
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You can ask your child’s therapist or doctor to use things like behavior checklists and emotion rating scales to track what’s improving – and what still needs support. Some apps can help you track sleep, mood, and routines, too.
Even if your child already has support at school, it’s worth checking in regularly. Ask for updated reports, suggest team meetings, and make sure accommodations are still working. You can also request changes to your child’s IEP or 504 plan if needed. See the Talking with My Child’s School section below.
My child is getting worse, what can I do?
It’s hard to see your child struggling, especially when it feels like things are getting more intense, not better. You’re not alone—and there are steps you can take to get support and stabilize things.
Let them know what’s changed. Sometimes therapy needs to be more frequent or focused differently, or something needs to be changed in your child’s routines or environment. Be specific about what you’re seeing: more aggression, bigger meltdowns, school issues, more frequent outbursts, etc. This will help your provider to identify areas of change that might help your child.
Every family should have a plan for what to do if things get worse or if you or your child feel unsafe. This might include knowing who to call during a crisis (like a mobile crisis team or behavioral health urgent care), when to head to the ER, or how to calm things down safely at home. Your provider can help you build a plan that fits your family.
Some communities offer “wraparound” programs that bring together a team to support your child across home, school, and community (similar to the MST therapy model mentioned previously on this page). These services are especially helpful when things feel complex or overwhelming, and can help catch problems that might have been missed in traditional talk therapy.
If your child’s behavior is disrupting their learning or daily life, you can ask the school for an FBA. This helps figure out why certain behaviors are happening and leads to a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) with concrete supports.
During tough times, it can help to simplify routines, add more visual schedules or checklists, and create calm-down areas at home. This doesn’t fix everything—but it can reduce stress for everyone.
When your child is in crisis, it can take a toll on your whole family. Connecting with other parents, talking to a therapist, or simply having a support system in place can help you stay grounded while you’re supporting your child.
Talking with my child’s school
Your child spends a big part of their day at school—so it’s important that their learning environment supports their needs. You don’t have to be an expert in education law to advocate for your child. Here’s how to get started:
If your child already has a 504 Plan or IEP, you can call a meeting anytime – not just during annual reviews. Share your concerns, ask for updates, and discuss if changes need to be made. If your child doesn’t have a plan yet, you can formally request an evaluation to see what supports they qualify for.
Schools respond best to clear examples. Keep track of patterns—like missed assignments, behavior changes, or stress around certain subjects. You can also ask your provider to write a summary of concerns or diagnoses to share.
Resources like Wrightslaw explain special education laws in parent-friendly language. Knowing your rights helps you feel more confident in meetings and ensures your child gets what they’re entitled to.
Understood.org and wapave.org is a great website full of free tools, templates, and stories from families navigating similar school challenges. It can help you figure out what to ask for and how to phrase it.
A behavioral health consultant or educational advocate can go to meetings with you, help interpret school evaluations, and suggest goals that actually match your child’s needs. This kind of support can make a big difference—especially if meetings feel overwhelming or you’re not sure what to ask for.
CAREGIVER TOOLKIT I DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIORS
This section offers simple, practical tools to help you support your child—from building routines and healthy habits to improving communication and recognizing their strengths. It’s also a reminder that taking care of yourself is part of the plan—you’re not alone on this journey.
Daily habits that help
Most kids thrive on routine and consistent structure. Though your child with ODD, IED, or Conduct Disorder likely won’t appreciate this at first, having structure and routine lets kids know what to expect and helps them feel safe. If you haven’t had a lot of routine, structure, or consistent discipline before, it’s likely that your child will push back on this at first and you might see their behaviors get worse for a period of time. This is normal, but it can be helpful to work with a professional to do this right and stay on track.
Kids who have trouble managing their actions and feelings can really benefit from having adults, other than their caregivers, involved in their lives. Having a mentor or trusted adult friend can give kids a good role model, help them see how other people solve problems and use emotion regulation skills, and improve their social and communication skills.
If your child already has a coach, teacher, or adult they trust, talk to them and see if they would be willing to meet with your child more regularly, one on one. If your child doesn’t already have an adult in their life that they want to build a relationship with, there are organizations in the community like this one that can help!
Kids with disruptive behaviors and impulse control challenges often don’t know when or why they may feel upset. As a parent, you might not either – it can feel like these behaviors come out of nowhere and are completely unpredictable! However, usually there are some patterns that we can find that can help us figure out when your child may get upset or have an outburst. You can do this by spending a few days to a few weeks tracking when your child’s behavior is at its worst.
As you track, you’ll look for any factors that may have been involved. Where was your child when they became upset? Who was involved? What happened earlier that day? What was going on in their body – were they hungry, sick, warm, or highly activated already? What happened right before their outburst? What helped to calm them down afterwards? Once you do this a few times, you might start to notice some patterns. If you can find a pattern, that’s the first step to making a meaningful change!
You can find a sample behavior tracker here!
When your child doesn’t follow rules, deliberately tries to annoy you, and gets aggressive or defiant, it gets frustrating quickly, and these behaviors can cause a lot of negative interactions between kids and their parents. Caregivers often spend most of their time disciplining their child, arguing with them, and setting rules. It’s often appropriate to do those things, but when you only talk to your child about the things they do wrong, it can be frustrating for both of you!
Start looking for things that are going well – no matter how small they are. Maybe your child got ready for school on their own, went to bed on time, ate a balanced meal, got a good grade on an assignment, played well in a sports game, or got a compliment from a friend or teacher. Make sure you talk about those things with them! This shows your child that you’re paying attention to what they’re doing well, and it usually makes them want to do more of those things that make you proud.
Encourage physical activity and exercise, healthy eating, and sleep. These things are good for all kids, but kids who struggle with aggression and impulse control can benefit even more from physical activity.
Doing cardiovascular exercises can be really helpful for anger and aggression. Cardiovascular exercise, sometimes called cardio or aerobic exercise, is a type of exercise that makes your heart beat faster – like running, biking, climbing, or swimming. It can actually release hormones in your child’s brain that make them feel happier and less stressed!
Doing mindfulness-based and slower exercises, like yoga and stretching, can also help with anger, aggression, and impulsivity. These exercises help your child feel more connected to their brain and body and understand how they are feeling. There are some great videos for these exercises that you and your child can try together at home:
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For younger kids: Cosmic Kids Yoga on Youtube
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For teenagers: Yoga for Teens by Yoga Ed. on YouTube
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Caregiver self-care
Parenting a child with aggressive behaviors, disruptive tendencies, and impulse control challenges is a big job. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s good for your child to learn that they can also ask others for help when they need it!
It makes a big difference when you can be consistent in the way you respond to your child, but you don’t have to do it alone. The good news is – while it can be a big change & a lot of effort to start working on behavioral changes with your child, once you establish these rules and expectations, it will make things easier in the long run and your child will learn how to practice their new skills on their own!
When your child gets angry or behaves in ways they shouldn’t, sometimes they need to take a break from the situation – and sometimes you need that break, too! Find a space in their room, a corner of the house, or a safe spot outside that they can go to when they get upset. Stock that space with things that make them happy and calm them down. If you want, you can make a calm zone for yourself too – every parent needs some time alone sometimes!
Kids benefit from having other adults, in addition to their parents and family members, that they can trust. In particular, kids with these diagnoses can really benefit from having an older mentor or friend in their lives, and this can also give you some time and space to focus on yourself.
It can be so hard when they get aggressive, have verbal outbursts, and don’t treat you well, and it’s easy for a lot of your interactions with your child to focus on the bad behaviors and things that aren’t going well. Look for sweet pictures of them, write down funny stories, and save their awards and school achievements that you’re proud of. When you feel frustrated or hopeless about how things are going with your child, looking back on positive memories with your child can help remind you how much you love them and why you work so hard to support them.
Your child might do a lot of things that are hurtful and cause you problems, and it’s easy to take these things personally when they’re directed at you. Take a minute and remind yourself that the child you love is still there, and that you and your child are fighting the aggression and the outbursts together.
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