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THE ROAD AHEAD I TRAUMA
Trauma and stress related disorders are symptoms that kids can have after something scary, stressful, or traumatic happens to them. Explore the questions below to learn how to recognize the signs, understand what causes it, and discover effective treatment options.
What caregivers might notice in their child
Not all kids who experience something scary, stressful, or traumatic will have a trauma or stress related disorder. Many kids experience difficult things in their lives and don’t need professional help and treatment. In order for a doctor or provider to diagnose a trauma or stress related disorder, your child needs to 1) have had something stressful or traumatic happen to them and 2) act or feel different after this happened. There are a few different types of trauma and stress related disorders:
Kids have a hard time connecting with caregivers because they have had a lot of different caregivers or have not had their needs met by caregivers in the past.
kids act too connected with adults they don’t know because they have had a lot of different caregivers or have not had their needs met by caregivers in the past.
Kids experience something traumatic and have memories or dreams of it afterwards, avoid things that remind them of the scary thing that happened, feel bad about themselves or others, and can also have trouble sleeping, paying attention to things, doing things they shouldn’t, or getting angry suddenly.
kids experience something traumatic and can have some of the same symptoms as PTSD, but the symptoms only last between a few days and one month.
Kids experience something stressful and feel or act differently because of this stress. Some kids might feel sad and down, others might worry more, and others might have behavior problems.
These diagnoses can cause problems for kids at home, in school, and in their social lives. As a caregiver, it’s important to be alert if you know your child has experienced something scary, stressful, or traumatic. Acting differently or feeling sad or worried for a few days is normal and happens to most kids. But if something bad happens and your child feels this way for weeks or months, or if your child reacts more strongly than you would expect them to, this could be a sign of something more serious. Each child reacts differently to different things, and certain changes or stressful events might feel different to one child than to their sibling or caregiver. This doesn’t mean your child is being dramatic – it means their mind and body are having a hard time adjusting and processing what happened.
What is the difference between trauma and stress?
Trauma is a different experience than stress, and they affect kids in different ways.
Something traumatic is something scary or dangerous that could really hurt someone or even kill them. Kids who experience trauma might have something scary happen to them, or they might see something happen to another person. Trauma can be things like:
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Being in a bad car accident
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Surviving a natural disaster (earthquake, flood, wildfire)
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Being attacked or hurt by someone
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Being touched inappropriately by someone or seeing sexual things that you didn’t want to see
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Having a serious medical problem or going through scary surgeries or procedures
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Seeing someone die or get seriously hurt
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Being a refugee or immigrant who has to leave their home country unexpectedly, or has to live in unsafe situations for a period of time
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Not being taken care of by caregivers
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Seeing other people be violent or fight with each other (including parents at home)
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Something stressful is something that is hard and upsetting for kids, but not necessarily life-threatening or seriously harmful to their bodies or minds. Stress can be things like:
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Moving to a new house or going to a new school
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Parents getting divorced or separating
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Having a hard time making friends
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Having a new person in the home (a new sibling is born, a grandparent moves in, or a parent gets married)
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Losing something important to them
Things that are stressful for kids can cause them to struggle, and kids may need support dealing with stressful things. Pretty much everyone feels stressed at some point in their lives, but some kids react more strongly to it or have a harder time dealing with it on their own. Not everyone experiences trauma, and trauma is more than just stress – it makes people think differently about the world and it causes changes in the way kids’ brains work. The more stress or trauma kids experience, the more likely they are to have some symptoms and need some extra help dealing with their thoughts and feelings. It’s best to get help as soon as possible – getting treatment early for trauma and stress can help kids heal more quickly and live healthier, happier lives!
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If my child can’t remember the traumatic thing that happened to them, can they still have symptoms?
Even if something traumatic happened when your child was really young and they can’t remember what happened, their bodies and brains can still have symptoms of traumatic stress. This can even be true for babies whose moms were abused or went through something traumatic before they were born. Trauma makes kids’ brains work differently, so even if they can’t remember what happened, their brains and bodies can store those feelings of being scared or unsafe. Treatment with kids who experienced something traumatic that they don’t remember looks a little different, because they won’t be able to talk about what happened. But there are still ways that mental health professionals can help their brains learn to feel safe and secure again, and one of the best ways to help them is to show them that you are there for them as their caregiver. Having a strong relationship with your child and giving them lots of good memories of feeling safe and loved by you is one of the best things you can do to help your child’s brain stop feeling scared and unsafe.
Who is affected by trauma and stress related disorders?
About 1 in every 4 kids will experience something traumatic before they turn 16, but not all of these kids will develop a trauma or stress related disorder. The more severe or scary a trauma is, the more likely a child will develop mental health symptoms or be diagnosed with something like PTSD. Kids who experience lots of traumatic and stressful things are also more likely to have symptoms. You can’t always keep your child from experiencing something traumatic, but you can do some things to help support them and make it less likely that they will have mental health symptoms after trauma or stress. Kids whose caregivers react calmly when they find out about the trauma, and who feel like they can talk to their caregivers about what happened, are less likely to develop a trauma or stress related disorder.
What are signs that my child’s symptoms are getting worse?
First, if you think your child is struggling because of trauma or stress, make sure they are safe. It’s okay for kids to feel some stress, but if your child is still experiencing trauma (such as spending time with someone who is abusive or living in an unsafe situation), caregivers need to prioritize their child’s safety as much as possible.
Some common symptoms of traumatic stress include:
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Having flashbacks or nightmares in which a child remembers the trauma
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Trying to avoid things that remind them of the trauma
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Believing that they are bad or that they can’t trust anyone else
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Not wanting to do things they usually enjoy
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Feeling afraid, sad, angry, or ashamed
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Being irritable or angry
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Doing things that are dangerous or risky
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Being easily startled
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Having trouble sleeping
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Having trouble concentrating
If any of these symptoms start happening more frequently or get more intense, or if your child isn’t able to do things they normally do, or if your child starts acting in ways that are seriously dangerous for them (such as self-harm, suicidality, substance use, running away, or risky sexual behaviors) these are signs that their symptoms are getting worse and you should seek help right away.
Treatments that work for trauma and stress related disorders?
There are a lot of things that you can do to help your child who has experienced something traumatic and stressful – and you’re already taking a big step by learning more! Many kids & caregivers see a lot of improvement with the right support. Here are some treatments that scientists have found to help with trauma and stress related difficulties:
TF-CBT is a special type of trauma therapy that is designed for kids and teenagers. First, kids learn about trauma and how people usually react when they experience something traumatic or stressful. They also learn coping skills like mindfulness, deep breathing, and different ways to think about themselves and the world – these things help them manage strong feelings they might have about their trauma. Once the therapist thinks they are ready, they will gradually start to talk about the trauma and stress and create a story of what happened. Talking about their story helps them not to feel so scared, and to share with their caregiver what happened so you can understand it too. They will also talk about ways to stay safe and set goals for themselves moving forward, and caregivers will have sessions with the therapist too so they can practice what it is like to hear their child talk about something scary, traumatic, or stressful and respond in a way that helps them.
Lots of therapy for trauma in adults and older kids involves talking about the traumatic or stressful event(s) and how it made you feel and what it made you think. Young kids aren’t usually able to do this, so the best way to communicate with them is through play. Kids tell us a lot about what they are thinking and feeling when they play, and sometimes kids who have experienced something traumatic or stressful will act it out in the way they play. When a therapist plays with them, they are actually communicating about their trauma in an age appropriate way – and playing in therapy can also help teach them different ways of dealing with their feelings and staying safe. Often, therapists will also teach parents ways to play with their kids that help them think and feel differently and to support a strong relationship between parents and kids that will help them heal after trauma.
EMDR is a therapy that helps people deal with trauma and stress by stimulating their brains. In EMDR, a therapist uses things like eye movement and lights, sounds, or tapping to help people talk about their trauma and start to feel better. Not every therapist is trained in EMDR so it’s important to find someone who is.
You can learn more about EMDR here.
Many kids are able to heal from trauma in therapy and don’t take medication for their symptoms. But sometimes medication can be helpful if kids are very depressed and sad, feel very worried and fearful, or if their brains have been impacted by trauma for a long time and therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. You can talk to your child’s provider about whether or not medication might help them on their journey.
ADVOCATING FOR HELP I TRAUMA
Getting support for trauma and stress related symptoms starts with knowing what to ask for. Use the questions below to find out how to get help, talk with providers, and access the tools your child may need.
How to get help
There are a few ways to get diagnosed with a trauma or stressor related disorder. Here is how you can get started:
Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists can help assess your child to see if they have experienced something traumatic or stressful, and if there are changes in their thoughts, feelings, and actions because of the trauma or stress. Most mental health professionals know how to diagnose trauma and ask questions about it, but not all of them are specially trained in trauma-treatment. Ask your provider if they are trained in trauma treatment with children, and refer to the treatment components listed below to see what they can offer.
Click here to find a provider.
Kids who have experienced trauma and stress often have a really hard time focusing in school because their brain is worried and focused on helping them survive the stress or trauma. If you’re worried about your child falling behind in school or if they seem to need more support, you can request an evaluation for accommodations at school (these are usually called IEP’s or 504 plans). It usually takes a bit of time to get an IEP or 504 plan in place for your child, so if they are really struggling and need some support right after something traumatic or stressful happens, see if your school is able to offer less formal supports right away (like letting them miss some classes, have a more flexible schedule, or offer a quiet place to take breaks if needed).
Click here on how to talk to your child’s school.
If something traumatic or stressful has happened in your community (such as a natural disaster or community tragedy), it’s common for organizations to come in temporarily and offer extra support. If this applies to you or your child, ask others (neighbors, teachers, friends, school counselors, government officials) what support is available and how you can access it. Organizations like the Red Cross and the Salvation Army, as well as local, community based agencies, commonly offer help after disasters that includes both access to resources like food and water, as well as emotional support and people to talk to. There is also a Disaster Distress Helpline run by SAMHSA that you can call at 1-800-985-5990 to talk to a trained counselor if you or your child have been involved in a disaster.
If my child has experienced trauma or stress related symptoms, what treatment components should I ask my provider about?
Coping skills are an important part of treatment for trauma. They help kids manage big and overwhelming thoughts and feelings better. Some coping skills are cognitive, which means they specifically focus on the way kids think. Cognitive coping skills are things like talking positively about yourself, trying to change negative thoughts that aren’t true and replace them with more accurate ones, and finding solutions to problems. Some coping skills focus more on the physical or emotional symptoms too. These can be things like deep breathing, meditation, and relaxation skills. Usually, providers will teach kids the basics of these coping skills and then kids will practice them with caregivers at home to learn how to use them in their daily lives. Coping skills are an important part of treatment for trauma and stress because big feelings and scary thoughts are pretty much always a part of trauma and stress, so it’s important for kids to learn how to work through these thoughts and feelings in order to move forward.
Trauma and stress are big and scary things for kids, and it’s natural to want to avoid thinking about them. But scientists tell us that when we try not to think about something, we usually end up being more scared and worried about it, and then we avoid thinking about it even more. An important part of trauma treatment is learning how to talk about what happened, because in the long run, this helps kids feel less scared and overwhelmed. It’s also important to do this gradually, or slowly, and make sure kids have coping skills they can use first so that when they do start talking about their trauma, it doesn’t feel so scary and overwhelming. Ask your provider how they use gradual exposure in treatment (this is particularly common in therapies like TF-CBT and EMDR) and how you can support your child in this process as their caregiver. Sometimes, part of gradual exposure is having a child and their therapist share about their traumatic experience with you, their caregiver. This can be hard for caregivers too, so it’s important for you to learn coping skills alongside your child so you’re ready when they are!
Kids who have already experienced trauma or stress can be more likely to have a similar experience again, so another part of treatment is teaching them how to stay safe and how to deal with situations that can be scary or dangerous. When trauma comes from being hurt by other people, it’s important to remember, and to remind your child, that it is never their fault. Even if they made choices that weren’t safe, the responsibility always lies with the person who harmed them. Trauma also changes how a child’s brain thinks about safety, trust, and making decisions, so some of the things they do after trauma might look different or risky. This is because their brain has changed because of what they’ve been through. As they heal, caregivers can support them in building new coping skills, learning how to set boundaries, finding safe people, and asking for help when something doesn’t feel right or safe. These conversations usually happen later in treatment, once your child has more tools to help them and feels ready to talk about their trauma with some support from their care team.
PROGRESS OVER TIME I TRAUMA
This section offers a few extra tools to help you along the way. Whether things are going smoothly or getting more challenging, these resources can support you as your child grows and their needs change.
My child has a diagnosis, now what?
Once your child has been diagnosed and is getting treatment, there are still more ways you can support them – and yourself. Here are some next steps to consider:
There are some excellent, practical reads written for parents like you.
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”Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal” by Donna Jackson Nakazawa
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“Trauma Through a Child’s Eyes” by Peter Levine, Ph.D. and Maggie Kline
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"Trauma-Proofing Your Kids: A Parents’ Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy, and Resilience” by Peter Levine, Ph.D. and Maggie Kline
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“Parenting Traumatized Children with Developmental Differences” by Dr. Sara McLean
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“Healing the Heart – Helping Your Child Thrive After Trauma” by Christine Fonseca
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It’s hard to parent a child who has experienced trauma or significant stress, and many caregivers struggle to know how to support their child and to manage their own feelings about what is going on. Connecting with other caregivers who get it can make all the difference.
Groups like the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) offer both resources and a sense of community.
Sometimes caregivers and kids experience the same trauma and stress, and it’s hard for caregivers to help their children work through it when they are also struggling. If some of the symptoms listed on this page feel familiar to you, it might be a good idea to look for a provider who can give you some support and coping skills too. This will help you feel better prepared to walk with your child on their journey.
My child is getting worse, what can I do?
It’s hard to see your child struggling, especially when it feels like things are getting more intense, not better. You’re not alone—and there are steps you can take to get support and stabilize things.
When kids have experienced trauma and stress, it’s important for them to learn to feel safe again. There are a few ways parents can help with this, and the first one is making sure they are not experiencing any ongoing trauma. If your child was being hurt or abused by someone, make sure they have no contact with that person (you can contact your local law enforcement agency or call Child Protective Services if you need support with this). Once you are sure they are physically safe and no longer experiencing trauma or stress, focus on meeting their basic needs, being consistent with a schedule if you can, and being available if they need to talk.
Let them know what’s changed. Sometimes therapy needs to be more frequent or focused differently, or something needs to be changed in your child’s routines or environment. Be specific about what you’re seeing: more aggression, bigger meltdowns, school issues, more frequent outbursts, etc. This will help your provider to identify areas of change that might help your child.
Every family should have a plan for what to do if things get worse or if you or your child feel unsafe. This might include knowing who to call during a crisis (like a mobile crisis team or behavioral health urgent care), when to head to the ER, or how to calm things down safely at home. Your provider can help you build a plan that fits your family. For kids with trauma, it’s important to find a safe adult they can trust when they are struggling. This might be you as their caregiver, or it might be another adult who plays a supportive role in their life. Encourage your child to identify some safe adults in their life, and make sure you and your child have their phone numbers ready so you can reach out to them if you need to!
If your child just experienced something traumatic a few days ago, it’s normal for their symptoms to change – they are still trying to figure out what’s going on and process everything. You might see them suddenly get better or worse early on, and it’s all normal – their brain is trying to make sense of what happened to them. As time goes on, you will probably see things even out and stabilize, and you and your child will have a better sense of what to expect. Offer support, monitor for safety, and get professional help if they are in crisis. If they are not in immediate danger but seem more sad or withdrawn, or don’t want to eat, or have trouble sleeping – that may be normal for right now. But you can always ask your provider if you have concerns.
Talking with my child’s school
Your child spends a big part of their day at school—so it’s important that their learning environment supports their needs. You don’t have to be an expert in education law to advocate for your child. Here’s how to get started:
If your child already has a 504 Plan or IEP, you can call a meeting anytime – not just during annual reviews. Share your concerns, ask for updates, and discuss if changes need to be made. If your child doesn’t have a plan yet, you can formally request an evaluation to see what supports they qualify for.
Click here to learn more.
Schools respond best to clear examples. Keep track of patterns—like missed assignments, behavior changes, or stress around certain subjects. You can also ask your provider to write a summary of concerns or diagnoses to share.
Resources like Wrightslaw explain special education laws in parent-friendly language. Knowing your rights helps you feel more confident in meetings and ensures your child gets what they’re entitled to.
Understood.org and wapave.org is a great website full of free tools, templates, and stories from families navigating similar school challenges. It can help you figure out what to ask for and how to phrase it.
A behavioral health consultant or educational advocate can go to meetings with you, help interpret school evaluations, and suggest goals that actually match your child’s needs. This kind of support can make a big difference—especially if meetings feel overwhelming or you’re not sure what to ask for.
CAREGIVER TOOLKIT I TRAUMA
This section offers simple, practical tools to help you support your child—from building routines and healthy habits to improving communication and recognizing their strengths. It’s also a reminder that taking care of yourself is part of the plan—you’re not alone on this journey.
Daily habits that help
Most kids thrive on routine and consistency, and it’s especially important for kids who have experienced trauma and stress. Trauma can make kids very nervous and on edge, so sudden changes and unexpected events can be harder to manage. Traumatic events themselves are usually unexpected and out of the norm, so it can be really helpful for caregivers to stick to regular routines and be consistent in what they do and when they do it. Your child might not be ready to jump back into their regular routines and activities right away after a trauma, so it’s okay to relax things a little bit for a time, but usually after a short time it’s helpful for most people to get back into the things they normally do. This can really help kids heal and stay connected with the other things that are going on in their lives.
Sometimes parents feel guilty or scared to discipline their kids if they have been through something scary or stressful. But like routines, it’s important for kids to know that some things stay the same, even after something traumatic happens. And it’s also important for kids to learn that good and healthy rules can keep them safe. When your child is struggling, you might relax some specific rules a little bit to meet their needs in the moment, but it’s still okay to discipline your kids and provide gentle consequences if they’re acting out or doing things they know they shouldn’t. However, it might also be important to think about how you discipline your kids and if any changes need to be made (for example, if your child is scared to be alone after experiencing something traumatic, you might take a toy away when they act out instead of sending them to their room alone for a time out like you usually do).
If your child goes to therapy, they will probably learn some coping skills (maybe deep breathing, different ways of thinking, positive ways of talking to themselves, or ways to relax their bodies). You can practice these skills together as a family to show them you’re on their team and invested in their healing too.
Watch this video to learn more.
Caregiver self-care
Parenting a child who has experienced trauma and stress is a big job. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s good for your child to learn that they can also ask others for help when they need it.
It’s hard to know whether to talk about or avoid the bad or scary thing that happened to your child. Either pushing to talk about it too soon or avoiding it for a long time can be difficult for your child, so it’s usually a good idea to follow their lead to figure out what will be most helpful for them. If your child mentions something about a traumatic event, try to respond as calmly as you can. Gently ask questions about what happened and if they change the topic, let it go. Do your best not to have a strong emotional reaction to it (this is hard for a lot of caregivers, and this is when your own coping skills come in!) because we know that the way people respond to kids talking about trauma makes a big difference in how they heal from it. If your child is talking about their trauma and you want to cry or yell or throw something, take a break and do what you need to do without them watching, then come back to the situation. Showing them that you can handle their feelings and thoughts teaches them to feel safe and to come to you again if something like this ever happens again.
It’s important not to change your family’s life too much around your child’s thoughts and behaviors, but it’s also important to be realistic about you and your child’s capacity to handle strong emotions and behaviors when they are struggling. Take a look at your day and see where the most stressful and difficult parts are. Are there certain things you see or hear every day that remind your child of their trauma? You may choose to avoid some of those things for a period of time, or you might choose to be aware of what those things are and offer your child a hug or some extra support when you have to see them. Is your child terrified to be out in public or be separated from you? Do these things in short bursts, bring comfort objects like a stuffed animal, and offer your child praise and reassurance when they get through it. Having a realistic plan based on your child’s needs and capacity helps set you up for success.
This is especially true if you experienced trauma or stress along with your child – you are on your own journey and also need support. It makes a huge difference for your child when you can be consistent in responding calmly to their thoughts and behaviors, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Find a provider
